Harry Potter and the Rabid Plot Bunny
by leaf1
Summary: Lavender & Parvati find a strange bunny on Hogwart grounds that makes mad-cap schemes come true. They call in the person they know they can count on- Prof. Trelawney. Will they be able to save the school?Everything from babysitter!MarySue to Playa!Neville
1. Default Chapter

Summary: Lavender and Parvati find a strange bunny on Hogwarts grounds that makes all kinds of mad-cap schemes come true. When they realize what is creating the chaos, they call in the one person they know they can count on...Professor Trelawny. Will the Divination professor, Lavender and Parvati be able to save the school? Expect to see Mary Sue babysitting kids!Snape, Dumbledore, and McGonagall, Loving Harry and has no idea why!Draco, The Next Dark Lord! Hermione, and of course, Player!Neville.

Disclaimer (taken right of FA): This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. 

A/N: Thanks to Avira, Wordpainter and Sharara who beta-d this for me and thank loads of hugs to Arielle, a Slytherin who gave this plot bunny up for adoption. Please review and tell what you liked, disliked, ways I can improve, what you'd like to see, and any other thing that strikes your fancy. The story starts a bit slow, but it will pick up.

~~~~

****

HARRY POTTER AND THE RABID PLOT BUNNY

"Jerry, are you sure we got all of them?" A man asked his partner, throwing his net into the green van parked nearby. 

  
"I'm positive, Tom_,_" Jerry replied. "We did a good day's work for the Ministry. There's nothing to worry about."  


Tom shuddered. "Imagine what would happen to the Magical World if creatures like those--" he pointed to the truck--"were _loose_?"  


"Well, that's why we're here. I doubt there are any more around these parts. It sure is nice of Dumbledore to keep the students out of the Forbidden Forest while we work. Heck, some of the creatures residing here haven't been seen here for a very long time. It would be hard to mistake one of these beasts for a docile animal." Tom rubbed his hands. "Now, come on. I heard that ice cream store in Hogsmeade just started a new flavour. Let's go grab a bite."

  
"If you're sure, Tom-"  


"Of course I'm sure. Let's drop these beasts off and go."  


The two man drove off, neither of them realizing that a pair of curious eyes watched them disappear.  


~~~~~  


"I _wish_ Professor Grubby Plank was still here," Parvati Patil muttered to her fellow Gryffindor and friend, Lavender Brown, as she rubbed a gloved hand over a burn on her arm. "These gloves are ruined." She stared at her gloves she and her friend had just bought in order to be prepared for their Care of Magical Creature classes.   


"I know what you mean," Lavender replied. "I can't believe Hagrid brought back those Blast Ended Skrewts." She tugged at her burnt tresses, ignoring the slime that trailed into her hair from her gloves. "You know what's so sad? Care of Magical Creatures is actually looking appealing to me. At least with Hagrid's creatures when they burn, sting, or ooze on you, you feel something. My life is so mundane right now," she groaned.  


The girls trudged on towards the castle, past the Forbidden Forest when Parvati suddenly balked. A small fluffy rabbit had caught her attention. "Oh, look at the cutie!" Both girls knelt, petting the creature. The rabbit twitched its nose and stared at the girls with its big blue eyes. The friends cooed.   


"Poor thing, sitting out here all alone. Do you think I could keep the bunny?" Lavender asked Parvati who nodded. "After fourth year when my rabbit died, I never had a pet."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that now," Parvati said. "What are you going to name him?"

" I think I'll name him... Bootsy."  


"That's so sweet!"

"Bunnies should be easy to take care of, right?"

"Well, he couldn't be more trouble than Neville's toad, in any case!" The girls laughed and the rabbit shivered. "_Ooo_ ... it's cold. Let's go inside. We have to get our books for Potions anyway."   


Lavender picked up the animal, and hoisted it into the book bag. She quickly slung it over her shoulder and the girls ran inside.   


Bootsy's nose quivered excitedly.  


~~~~~  
"Mr. Longbottom," Professor Snape sneered, leaning towards the boy. "Please share with the rest of the class, the ingredients you so casually threw into your pathetic potion."

  
Neville gulped. "Er . . . I . . . I put in two drops of dragon blood, then a quart of boom slang, and half a unicorn hair after that. I followed everything on the list, Sir. I really don't know why my potion is purple when everyone else's is green." He gulped again and backed away as Snape edged closer. 

Neville glanced at Dean Thomas with despair, but the black boy could do nothing but shrug. 

__

Sorry, mate, Dean mouthed. Neville whimpered.  


"Longbottom. I've told you many times, but obviously nothing is getting through that skull of yours. The hair goes in _before_ the blood. Are you to _thick_ too understand such a simple concept? Is there _nothing_ between those ears?"  


As he spoke, Neville continued to edge away, but he had backed up too far. The boy bumped into a table behind him and knocked over a jar of bat wings into a nearby cauldron. The cauldron gurgled, and the Slytherin to whom the cauldron belonged to glared at the Gryffindor.   


"Oops," Neville weakly said as the contents inside the cauldron changed from green to a brilliant shade of yellow.  


**__**

BOOM!  


"You clumsy fool!" Snape hissed, wiping the yellow mixture from his face. His face darkened as he looked around his dungeon. The normally dismal dungeons, and all its occupants, had been bathed in yellow goo. "Fifty points from Gryffindor, Longbottom! With the forty taken because of Ms. Patil's and Ms. Brown's appalling lack of judgment in bringing a pet into class, which then proceeded to bite me, Gryffindor has lost an amazing total of ninety points. If I were you, I wouldn't be too eager to talk to the other members of you house, Longbottom. Now, get out of here! Class dismissed!" 

Neville quickly scuttled out of the room, with the other students right behind him. Snape, made his way back to his desk, stiffly. "Potter, you shall remain and help clean this room."   


Harry stared at the teacher. " What? _Why_? I didn't do anything!"  


"Exactly," the enraged professor said through clenched jaws, extracting a rag and cleansing fluid. "You were near Longbottom and yet did nothing to help him. I suppose you were trying to raise your status in my book. Well, it didn't work. Rest assured, _nothing_ would." He banged the items on the table, turned, and disappeared into an adjacent room.  


Harry stared after him. "Slimy git," he muttered, kicking the desk closest to him.  


"_POTTER_!"  


Harry turned to his friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who stood at the door. "I'll see you guys later."He went after Snape. Ron and Hermione exchanged a look and left the dungeon. 

Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson stood outside, obviously waiting for them.  


"Longbottom's an idiot. Didn't I tell you that Pansy?" Draco asked his girlfriend, pretending that he didn't see the people who had just come outside the room.   


"You did. Longbottom just proves that certain people shouldn't be allowed into school. If he, a supposed Pureblood, can't do magic properly, what hope could Mudbloods actually have?" She grinned and Draco slipped an arm around Pansy's waist.  


Ron frowned. "No one cares what you think, so go take your damn ideas somewhere else."  


Draco scowled and pulled out his wand. " I bet you would, Weasel, if someone paid you. You would do anything for money."  


"Watch what you say, Malfoy," Hermione interjected, brandishing her own wand. "You wouldn't want to be turned into a ferret like in fourth year...or do you want to take a trip down Memory Lane?" Pansy raised an eyebrow, and her hand tightened around her wand. Raising it, she opened her mouth to utter a hex, but froze as Professor McGonagall appeared from a corner.   


"What are you doing?" McGonagall asked suspiciously. She received no answer. "Dinner is in a few minutes. Drop your things off in your Common Rooms and get to the Great Hall." She glanced at the students again, then walked away. The four teenagers hostilely stared at each other.  


"Let's go, Draco," Pansy stated tugging at her boyfriend's arm. The two stalked away and Ron and Hermione walked towards their own common room.  


"_Piggles_" Ron said to the Fat Lady, and the two climbed in, only to be met by a large crowd in front of the fireplace. They tried to push their way through the throng without success.  


"What's going on?" Ron asked trying to peer over the heads of other students. "Ginny, why is everyone crowding around here?"   


"Lavender found a rabbit outside and decided to adopt him as her pet," his sister informed him. "His name is Bootsy."  


Hermione grimaced. "Leave it to Lavender to call her pet Bootsy."  


"Aw, come on Hermione. I've touched Bootsy three times now. Granted, it was his back since other kids kept pushing me. Even though he's prone to nipping your fingers, there's something about that bunny that just makes you all comfy inside. If any of you see Neville, tell him that Parvati and Lavender want him to hold Bootsy. They say the rabbit will make Neville feel better." Ginny patted her stomach which growled loudly. "I'm going to the Great Hall. If you don't see him, maybe he'll be at dinner. The girls areplanning on bringing Bootsy down, anyway, so Padma can see him." She waved and left the room, followed by a stream of other hungry Gryffindors.  


~~~  


Hermione stared at the amount of students who stopped by the Gryffindor table to shower attention and admiration on Bootsy. It did not make sense. She turned to Seamus Finnegan who was watching the throng with amusement.  


"I don't get understand. It's just a rabbit! Why are they making such a big deal? You didn't see anyone make such a huge fuss when I started S.P.E.W.! The rights of elves are much more important than talking about how cute Bootsy's ears are." 

  
A nearby Hufflepuff, cuddling Bootsy, turned to the seventh year girl. "Bootsy's really sweet. I bet you haven't even petted him, and you're already passing judgment. Both McGonagall _and _Dumbledore love him, and Bootsy even bit them. All Dumbledore did was laugh." She gestured to the Headmaster who was talking jovially to Flitwick, the Charms professor. Seamus quickly turned his laughter into a cough as Hermione turned back to him, her eyes flashing. Ron glanced up from his plate and back down, happily ignoring what was going around him, in hope of getting another helping of rice pudding.   


"That's right Annie," Lavender told the Hufflepuff. Annie blushed in pleasure. Lavender turned back to the other girl. "Hermione, are you scared of a little rabbit? Is that the reason why you're so against Bootsy? Come pet him. He can be a bit frisky, but I promise nothing bad will happen to you --"  


"Um, Lavender," Parvati interjected. "Where's Bootsy?" 

Lavender spun around, eyes searching frantically. "Bootsy? Where is he?" she asked three second year Ravenclaws. They shook their heads. "Well, help me find him!" she snapped. The group scattered.  


Meanwhile, Bootsy was having a lovely evening hopping around the Great Hall. He had been a bit nervous at first, with all the attention that had been lavished upon him, but it had turned out to be rather fun. Such a shame that by the time he was through with the school, it wouldn't be nearly as entertaining. Oh well. 

When duty calls, duty calls.   


He wiggled his ears as he stared at a blond boy who had an air of class and power. Bootsy   
jumped closer to the boy, listening to a brown haired girl talk to him.   


"Drabear," the girl said, "don't let Potter and his friends get to you. This is our last year at Hogwarts. Once school ends, you'll never have to see him again."  


Bootsy wandered under the Slytherin table, settling near Drabear's feet."You're right Pansy."  


"Of course I am, Draco."  


Bootsy suddenly clamped down on Draco's leg.

"ARGH! Get it off! Get it off!" the boy yelled, closing his eyes in pain.  


"Draco! What? What?" Pansy shrieked back. Ignoring the girl, Draco peered under the table as the rabbit turned towards Pansy.   


"Stupid thing," his muffled voice could be heard saying. "It's that creature Patil and Brown keep carrying around." He was about to grab the animal when Annie appeared and snatched Bootsy from him. She walked away, eagerly planning to give Bootsy back to Lavender. Draco decided to ignore the obvious lack of respect and began examining his leg for any damage. Satisfied, and a little disappointed that he wouldn't have a reason to sue the school, he stood up and the first person he saw was Harry Potter coming back from cleaning. Draco groaned in disgust as he climbed back into his chair and Pansy patted his hand comfortingly.  


~~~~~  


Later that night, after lights out, Neville snuck inside the Gryffindor common room after spending hours circling the school grounds, alone, and lowered himself onto the couch.   


"Why is Snape such a git?" Neville muttered. "He's had it in for me since first year. Why can't -- why is there a rabbit in here?" Bootsy hopped into Neville's lap, snuggling closer. The boy ran a hand through the soft fur. "Anytime Trevor disappears, he usually hiding with another creature, so I know every pet in this tower, but I don't know you." He stroked Bootsy and the bunny playfully nipped Neville's finger. "Oh, well. You must belong to someone." Rubbing his eyes wearily, Neville gently placed the rabbit in front of the fireplace, and climbed up the steps to his dorm. 

  
~~~  


While some pupils and professors slept soundly, other students and teachers, in their respective rooms, tossed and turned, sweat pouring down their faces. Deep in their sleep, no one noticed the eerie light that exuded from some of the people. It began to rain outside. The wind howled and thunder boomed.  


Bootsy's eyes flashed.


	2. Two

__

The Next Morning:

Severus Snape woke up in an apathetic mood. He slid out of bed and stretched. Then paused.

"Something's not right," the man muttered. He felt. . . shorter, and his voice sounded. . . _wrong_. Severus padded to his mirror --

"Well, look at that!" The mirror exclaimed. "You look better than you have in years!" 

--and looked. His trademark frown had disappeared. With trembling fingers , he touched his face. "What happened to me?" He stared at his reflection. He fingered his nose which still stood prominently, but was no longer as crooked. His yellow chipped teeth had turned a lighter shade, and his greasy, lanky, black hair, wasn't really. . . _oily_.

"Oh dear Merlin," he whispered, "is everything about me gone?" He sneered at the mirror. _Well_, he thought, _not everything._

He stared at the mirror again, and groaned. "Dear Merlin! I have to teach classes on Monday! I can't let my students see this! Me looking like a teeny bopper!" He paused, and said suddenly, "this is Potter's fault. I'm not sure how he's done it, but it's always Potter's fault! I've warned Albus! I've told him! He cuts that boy too much slack, and now look what has happened! I need to speak to Albus, now!" 

Severus quickly threw on some clothes and opened the door, sticking his head out, praying that he wouldn't run into any other teachers walking past. Not hearing or seeing anyone, he quickly made his way down the hall, and balked when he heard a scream. "Noooo!" the voice wailed. 

McGonagall.

He hesitated. As much as he wanted to get Potter into trouble, his curiosity of seeing if Minerva suffered the same fate as him washed over the man. Severus knocked on the door.

"Minerva?" He reluctantly called out.

"Severus? Is that you?" a female voice replied. "I'm not. . . I'm not feeling well."

"Your voice sounds --"

"My voice. . . I have a cold! Yes, but what's that have to do with anything? Could you please tell Albus that I doubt I will be able to teach classes for the next few weeks? Actually, I doubt that I'll be able -- oh, never mind. I'll come out ." Severus heard the door unlock and watch it open slowly. A woman in her mid 20s stood before him, tugging at her blond strands of hair. Her blue eyes widened, filled with worry. "Look at me!" she exclaimed.

That's when Severus realized that the woman before him was his co worker. Severus gave her a grim look. "Minerva, I only have one thing to say about all of this."

"What's that?"

"In some way, this is all Potter's fault."

~~~~~

Neville had never felt so good. He was not sure why, but when he jumped out of bed, to get ready for his day at Hogsmeade, he had a feeling that things would be going in his way for a change.

The boy walked into the bathroom, and stared at the mirror, his head tilted to the left. He was standing a little straighter, some of the baby fat that used to cause him to be the brunt of jokes, seemed to have disappeared. Not disappear, actually. More like. . . transformed into muscle. The New and Improved Neville Longbottom

"Crikey," he whispered. Then he paused. _Crikey?_ Neville thought_, that doesn't sound like something the new and improved me would say. _He pondered for a few moments, staring at his reflection. Then, he left the bathroom, and walked over to the foot of his bed where his trunk was stashed. Neville opened it and scrounged around for his robes. And sighed. The same old robes.

"I need something different," he decided. "Something other than the clothes I wear everyday." He looked around and his eyes stopped upon the resting Dean Thomas. He walked over to the boy, remembering that Dean had recently taken a trip to the States over summer vacation to meet family and had showed him some of the clothing his cousins wore. He dropped down next to the boy and shook him roughly. "Yo, dawg. Can I barrow some of your Muggle clothes?"

Dean cracked open one sleepy eye. "Yea . . . take whatcha' wan'..." he dozed off.

Neville crawled over to the trunk which was engraved with D.T. and opened it. He grinned and quickly put on the clothes. Then the boy left the room and swaggered down the steps where a group of third year girls sat giggling to each other. As he slid out the common room door, he said one word to the girls:

"_Yo_." 

The girls stared after him. One girl, shock evident on her face exclaimed, "was that _Neville_?"

Upstairs in the boys dormitory, Dean sat up suddenly. "Did Neville just call me a dog?" Shrugging, he laid back down.

~~~~~

Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way down to the Great Hall early for breakfast. The girl walked a bit in front of her friends as she wanted to get to the library as soon as she finished eating. She rounded a corner.

"I hate him. Malfoy is such a git," Ron insisted to Harry as they neared the corner, "He really should have gone to Durmstang. The little Death Eater wanker!" he was cut off by a gasp, and Hermione hurtled back towards him.

"Ron," she said, "now don't panic --"

"What? What?" Ron replied, instantly panicking. "Is You Know Who attacking?!"

Harry touched his scar which was not tingling. "My scar doesn't hurt, so it can't be Voldemort."

"Oh, it isn't that," Hermione said, playing with her hair. "You know what, let's skip breakfast in the Great Hall." She grabbed Ron's arm. "We can stuff ourselves with candy at Hogsmeade and then eat ice cream at --"

"Sounds like a great idea, but I want to go into the Great Hall first." Ron gave the girl a look and pulled away. "C'mon, Harry." The red head pulled on his friend's arm, and they disappeared behind the corner.

Hermione sighed and shook her head. " Five...four...three...two...one.."

"AAAHHHHH!"

Both boys stumbled back. They were followed by a dishevelled haired Ginny, who was involved in a frenzied kiss with ... Gregory Goyle.

"Oh sweet Merlin!" Ron cried. "Ginny, what are you doing?!"

Ginny broke away from the Slytherin. "Oh, hullo Ron. How are you doing?"

Ron emitted a long squeak, his eyes bulging. Hermione, who had been fluttering behind the boys, turned to the younger girl. "What Ron is trying to say is, Ginny, what do you think your doing?!"

Ron nodded at Hermione and let out another squeal. Hermione continued in a matter of fact voice. "Your brother would also like you to know: That person you're currently snogging as if there was no tomorrow is not only a Slytherin, but one of Malfoy's lackeys." Ron let out a short yelp. Hermione patted him on the arm. "You're welcome, Ron."

Ginny looked from the Trio to Goyle who stood silently, a large grin spread across his face. "How are you able to understand my brother?" she asked the older girl.

"Oh," Hermione stated with a wave of her hand, "with Ron going into spasms because of McGonagall's homework, Malfoy being a git, Hagrid's creatures, and Snape being, well, Snape, you get to understand."

Ginny shrugged. "Oh, al right. Well, last night I heard Neville come into the common room, but before I could get down, he had already left for his dormitory. I decided to rest by the fireplace for a bit and talk to Bootsy --"

"That rabbit again," Hermione muttered.

"-- and the rabbit bit me. I decided to go see if I could find something about catching diseases from rabbits. I love Bootsy and all, but a creature that Lavender and Parvati found, well... Anyway, on my way I met Gregory," she turned to the boy next to her and a dreamy look came upon her face. Ron silently choked, "and found out he was on his way to the kitchen. For some reason I was compelled to talk to him. Greggy poo is such a good listener." She kissed Goyle on the nose. "Well, good bye. Greg and I have some... _important_ things to do today, isn't that right?"

Everyone's attention turned to the Slytherin who screwed up his face in concentration. "Yeah," he grunted. Ginny sighed contentedly and Ron stamped his foot, squealing as if he were going through torture as his younger sibling and her boyfriend walked away. 

Harry, who had been silent the entire time, herded a still squeaking, rather weakly, Ron and Hermione who had a smug "I knew you should've listened to me" look on her face into the hall. Ron suddenly pulled away from Harry and turned to face his best friend, a serious look upon his face. He gave the dark haired boy a pleading look.

"Please tell me I didn't just see that."   
  
"..."   
  
"Harry?"   
  
"..."   
  
"Er, Harry. Hullo?"   
  
"Ginny..."   
  
"I didn't see that did I? They were not snogging. It was just my imagination, right?"   
  
"Well-"   
  
"It. Was. All. In. My. Mind. _Right_?"   
  
"Er... Right..." 

~~~~~

Lavender and Pavarti stared at Bootsy who was hopping around the room, sniffing the furniture. Parvati turned to her friend.

"Does he look a bit. . ._fatter_ than yesterday?"


End file.
